The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
