Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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