The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
