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• (925): View more from California

  tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."

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• (281): View more from Texas

  To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one

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