"it" just moved
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
