Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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