So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
