I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
