If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
