This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
