I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
