It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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