Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
only you would photoshop your dick
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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