Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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