Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
