so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
