worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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