My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
