the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
