I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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