Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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