i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
