I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
