Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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