Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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