Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
