HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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