I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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