At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
