woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
