If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
