bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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