Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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