we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
