Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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