I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
