I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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