Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
