After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
