I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
