Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
