my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
