bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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