So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
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Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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