yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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