I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
