Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
