Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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