Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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