Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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