college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
