im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
someone owes me an orgasm
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
