I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
