What did we do last night that was yellow?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
