"it" just moved
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
