Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
