I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
