Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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