i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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