people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
