Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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