I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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