It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
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Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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