shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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