honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
