The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
