I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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