Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
