Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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